jetsam: reality sets in

Eerie moment Thursday morning while out for a stroll with Mac. Over on Knott Street at one point, I looked up at an elderly woman standing on her porch, who was staring down at us. She says to me: “Are you going to work today?”

I might have said: (a) “I was dumped four weeks ago,” and burst into tears; or (b) “Every day since the third grade has been a work day for me;” or even, “You better believe it, lady – got a To Do list as long as your tibia.” Instead I mumbled “no” and hurried Mac along, confused by the question.


Probably she just confused me with someone else, but the question plunged into existential crisis. I guess I said “no” because I was responded to what I assumed she meant. No longer do I hie myself off to “my job.” But working? Mais oui. That day I sent off three resumes, took a meeting about an upcoming theater gig, went to the downtown library to collect some research materials, and finished a pro bono editing project. If that ain’t work…..

……ah, but. None of the above generated income, you see. And this same day saw the arrival of the first unemployment check. That was sobering. I mean: you don’t expect to be comfy whilst on the dole, and don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to have it, but…still. It was less than I expected – significantly less than half what I used to get from the theater. The best you can say is that it will slow down my siphoning from the savings account.

But then. I opened the savings account years ago, after all, when I first realized the whole theater thing was not sustainable. And lo, the day has arrived. The account must now sustain me, and thanks to The System, those funds will go a little further.

And then? And then? That’s the real question. I’m working on it. Tick tick tick. Simple man, simple dream.