Monday, March 3, 2008

The Boys & Girls Guide to the Pacific Northwest



You know Jeff Foxworthy as the guy with the “redneck repartee” who's always joking about life in the Southern U.S. Turns out he's able to appreciate the wet & wonkey world of the Northwest, too.

My favorite comment is #25.






THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST ACCORDING TO JEFF FOXWORTHY

1. You know the state flower (Mildew).

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

3. You use the phrase '=:sun break” and know what it means.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the WALK signal.

8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.

9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's, & nbsp.

10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.

11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette.... (and Chautauqua, right?)

12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.

13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.

15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

16. You are not fazed by “Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,” and “Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.”

17 You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.

19 You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

20. You notice “The mountain is out” when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.

22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.

26. You measure distance in hours.

27. You often switch from “heat” to “a/c” in the same day.

28. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).

30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them.

5 comments:

splattworks said...

A old friend of mine came up with my favorite Northwest saying: "Real Oregonians don't squint in the rain."

CAWohlmut said...

I loved the one about waiting for the walk sign on a deserted corner in the rain. I do it all the time and feel secretly superior to those who don't. Is that so wrong?

Patrick Wohlmut said...

I remember driving a delivery truck, and getting to work before dawn in the winter. On a clear day, I could stand on the dock and watch the morning star shine on the edge of the sunrise. At the end of the day, the sky would be that warm, orange color that you see on the undersides of rusted out radio flyer wagons. It was one of the best jobs I've ever had.

Megan said...

For the record I don't do #7 because my parents are from Chicago and New York where Jay walking is the only way to walk...

When I moved here from California I entered the third grade and for the next four years of grade school I studied the Oregon Trail and ALL about the Salmon...so YES I KNOW the difference.

All of these are sad but true...number 11 reminds me of the first rehearsal for Sometimes A Great Notion. The Oregonians were so proud to tell the out of towner's how to speak "our language".

col ceathair said...

But swimming _is_ an indoor sport -- oh.