Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tame yr brain
Guess I’m gonna have to tell em
That I got no cerebellum
--“Teenage Lobotomy,” The Ramones
Along with an increasing number of other unfortunates, I suffer from frequent and incapacitating headaches. Why why why?? Like all migraineurs, I put a lot of energy into possible sources, in the hopes they will lead to solutions. Here are my fave theories of the moment:
1. I’m a genius. Like Virginia Woolf, George Bernard Shaw, Emily Dickinson, Lewis Carroll, Sigmund Freud and Margaret Cho, my constant brainstorms are too much for the constraints of my skullbone.
2. I’m a delicate hothouse flower. Studies indicate that some people just don’t handles stresses to the system as well as others.
3. Stress itself. On the other hand, it’s long been believed that migraineurs are simply nervous nellies. In my case this was belied by a prescription of muscle relaxers that had no effect whatsoever.
4. “There’s something in the air besides the atmosphere.” Lene Lovich was right; barometric pressure’s a bitch.
5. Incipient insanity. Historically it was thought that migraineurs were just plain nuts, or well on their way to it. Frequent flyers like Vincent Van Gogh did not help to quash this convenient theory.
6. Mean genes. Migraines tend to run in families; mine is no exception.
7. Hit by a gamma ray. Well, it might have happened ...
8. The luck of the draw. In other words: whatev.
9. Jesus hates me. Evidently.