Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Tame yr brain

Guess I’m gonna have to tell em
That I got no cerebellum

--“Teenage Lobotomy,” The Ramones

Along with an increasing number of other unfortunates, I suffer from frequent and incapacitating headaches. Why why why?? Like all migraineurs, I put a lot of energy into possible sources, in the hopes they will lead to solutions. Here are my fave theories of the moment:

1. I’m a genius. Like Virginia Woolf, George Bernard Shaw, Emily Dickinson, Lewis Carroll, Sigmund Freud and Margaret Cho, my constant brainstorms are too much for the constraints of my skullbone.

2. I’m a delicate hothouse flower. Studies indicate that some people just don’t handles stresses to the system as well as others.

3. Stress itself. On the other hand, it’s long been believed that migraineurs are simply nervous nellies. In my case this was belied by a prescription of muscle relaxers that had no effect whatsoever.

4. “There’s something in the air besides the atmosphere.” Lene Lovich was right; barometric pressure’s a bitch.

5. Incipient insanity. Historically it was thought that migraineurs were just plain nuts, or well on their way to it. Frequent flyers like Vincent Van Gogh did not help to quash this convenient theory.

6. Mean genes. Migraines tend to run in families; mine is no exception.

7. Hit by a gamma ray. Well, it might have happened ...

8. The luck of the draw. In other words: whatev.

9. Jesus hates me. Evidently.


E. Hunter Spreen said...

One other consideration:

How much water do you drink?

Mead said...

Oh yeah, forgot about that one. I drink water constantly yet always thirst -- a lifelong condition. Probably I have Sjorgen's Syndrome, is that what it's called? My sainted mother was just diagnosed with that, poor lady, and we mirror each other exactly with our various infirmities.

EHS, do you get migraines, too?

John Steinkamp said...

Man, that's rough, Mead. Sorry. If there's any upside it's that you get to refer to yourself as a "migraneur," which makes you sound really cool and dangerous in a Genet-y sort of way.

Mead said...

Yes. Though that also brings forth new problems of nomenclature. Such as: should we now refer to the fabulous Ms. Piaf as La Migraineuse?

By the by, you were awesome the other night in The Extremophiles.

Stephen said...

I suffer in so many ways... IBS among them, but I don't suffer from headaches & I can't imagine the agony (as witnessed by people in my life). I feel bad for you. Would a martini help?

Col ceathair said...

I'm sorry to learn these persist. Dang!

Re: stress, may I gently remind that there are many effects of stress, muscle tension being one but only one. Increased cortisol level, faster heart rate (sometimes even chronically), compromised immunity, acne... migraines? Heck if I know.

I'm looking forward to a post that tells us what the final thing was that got rid of the darn things and how that final thing worked better than all the other things you've tried, and how you finally feel freed of this burden!

Meanwhile I'm happy to tell you it's raining outside, right here right now.

Word verification: braintio

E. Hunter Spreen said...

I do get migraines. They started about 5 years ago after my daughter was born. I just had one a couple of weeks ago. But the worst ever was last November. It lasted a whole week and there were times when I just had to lie down and cover my eyes (and maybe cry a little bit too). Then it stopped as if by magic. And I swear, my brain was distinctly different. Prior, I had had this thing where I would be talking and completely blank out on what I was saying and that disappeared after the headache.

I don't know. It really seemed like a psychic realignment. If every migraine produced similar results, I might say it was worth it.

Sorry to hear that you suffer from them too.

Megan said...

I also suffer from migraines and also am ALWAYS thirsty and always tired. I have been tested for diabetes multiple times. Always negative. However, I am trying to live gluten free b/c I hear that may be a cause as well. You should look into it. Giving up bread will be harder than giving up smoking.

Andrea said...

Mead--I would highly highly suggest a good homeopath.