Sunday, January 11, 2009

Horror Show

All right, back to me. Guess what, there’s a new site out there called MyHeritage – a genealogy site, essentially, but one with a hook. You log on and enroll, and after the usual assurances that your name won’t be sold to anybody at any time, you’re treated to a couple of tedious “opportunities” to hear from Tempurpedic and other fine merchandisers. Then at last you get to the goodies. You upload a photo of yourself, and the site tells you which celebs you resemble!

And okay. I wasn’t expecting Shia LeBeouf, right? Or even Sean Connery. But I was ill-prepared for the extent of the program’s cruelty. The first search likened me to Michael Douglas, James Doohan, Itzhak Rabin and Larry Flynt, for mercy’s sake. Yikes!

Naturally I wasn’t settling for that; I uploaded a fresh photo, this time by professional photographer extraordinaire Owen Carey. And did somewhat better: Kirk Douglas. John Goodman (hmm) and George Bush. That’s Dubya to you, Mr. Snark, not Aitch Dubya.

Not to be outdone, I tried uploading a photo of Sean Connery. And was rewarded with a phto of…Sean Connery.

This is why I am now on a starvation diet.


Prince Gomolvilas said...

I hate to admit this, but I couldn't help but laughing at MyHeratige's cruelty.

I am clearly a sadist. (And not in the sexy, Enrique sense of the word.)

Anonymous said...

Careful darling. I've learned the hard way that any diet without sufficient nutrients will cause your body to burn up muscle, leaving the fat where it is. When my fancy scale told me I was losing weight but my body fat percentage was the same, I learned I had to up my protein content.

MattyZ said...

This post needs to be a ten minute play.

And I knew they should have cast you instead of Josh Brolin. I told everyone. No one listens to me.

Steve Patterson said...

MySpace used to have a gimmick where you could upload your picture, and it'd match you up with the celebrities you most resemble. I tried it and ended up with Ernest Hemingway (cool), D.H. Lawrence (hmm), Robin Williams (oh dear), and Ted Kazinsky (end of story).


Enrique said...

Ha. I love that I'm an adjective that is clearly synonymous with sexy. Whoo!

Mead said...

Enrique: everybody knows that!!

And Prince, I actually wrote this post with you in mind, so no need for confessions. You were entrapp'd!

And Paul: not to worry. The only diet that's going to do me any good is one involving an Ginzu knife home surgery kit.

Matt and Steve, you give me an idee fixe in the making, probably....

Anonymous said...

OK, I had to try it, too. I came out as resembling Janeane Garofalo (which is cool), Meg Ryan (eh, but could be worse) and Benazir Bhutto (ouch-- potentially bad karma!).

Also Mikhail Gorbachev.

And who the hell is Chester Bennington anyway?

Mead said...

Chester is that tattooed love snack from Linkin Park. I think he's like 12. The resemblance to you....escapes me. But let's face it, the entertainment value of this Celeb gizmo is not its uncanny accuracy.